Introducing the 4 Rs!
Self Management Series
The Third R
The World is Your Stage and Your're ON!
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How
many roles did you play today? Did you notice your were moving between
roles as the day progressed? Are you still playing any of those roles
in your head as you re-play certain scenes and look back on the day
with pride or regret?
The
third R in our self management series is our Roles. Shakespeare
encapsulated one aspect of our multidimensional journey through life
when he stood back and reflected that 'all the world is a stage and all
men and women merely players with many parts to play', or words to that
effect.
Each
day is filled with different scenes and in each scene we get the
opportunity to play a different role. And that means during the course
or our life we can effectively play as many roles as we want. In fact
we will not only 'play' those roles we will 'create' them. When life
is seen from this 'on stage' perspective, it becomes both a creative
and playful journey. But we tend to take it all far too seriously.
Why? Because no one teaches us how to play the right role, in the
right scene, in the right way, at the right time. So instead of
'playing' our life, instead of 'creating' our life, we tend to see it
as a serious business being created by others. We lose our playfulness
and our lightness, and an increasing heaviness easily creeps into the
journey.
Behind
all seriousness is fear in its various guises including worry, tension
and anxiety. These fears arise because we forget to 'play' our role/s
and start to identify with the role/s. The two most common 'role
identities' which many of us learn to lock onto and limit ourselves
with, are usually our job/position at work and our position within our
family. The more we 'slip into' and identify with the role the more we
lose a) our flexibility b) our capacity to be playful and c) most
significantly, our creativity. But we don't notice these consequences
of identifying ourselves with one or two roles, because it seems
everyone else is doing the same.
When
we remember that life is designed to be a 'play full' experience we
invoke our mostly latent creative and playful tendencies. This shift
in perception also allows us to pay a different kind of attention to
what is going on around us. Instead of struggling with life and the
world around us (pressure) we learn to flow with life as it comes to
us. Instead of dreading what may happen (worry) we learn to play with
what is happening. Instead of seeing our 'furrow' predictably ploughed
ahead for us, we begin to create other scenarios as we open ourselves
to different and sometimes more radical possibilities. Occasionally we
meet someone who has completely altered the way they 'do life' and the
direction of their life, after realizing a) they have other options b)
they are in charge of their life c) they don't have to swim with the
current d) the whole thing is just a game in which to play e) you can
choose the roles you play. As we quietly applaud their 'radical
adventure' we wistfully wonder if we could do something similar, but
only until our perception of the seriousness of our situation kicks
back in again!
When
we do live more playfully, when we do attempt to be more consciously
creative, when we do diminish those 'seriously concerned about
ourselves' moments, we are able to be more sensitive to the immediate
needs of those around us. This 'input' naturally informs the exact
nature of the role we need to create and play for 'them'. As a parent
for example, during the course of an average day we could find
ourselves in a variety of roles, not only as a parent to our child, but
as a friend, counselor, facilitator, companion, guide or teacher
depending on the need of the child at any given moment. But this kind
of 'creative flexibility' will not be possible as long as the parent
sees themselves only as 'the parent around here', in which case the
role they are most likely to most frequently slip into will be 'supreme
controller'! Not exactly creative or playful.
Similarly,
as someone working in an organisation, if we are aware of our immediate
relationships in the workplace, and we don't take it all so seriously,
we might sense where others are at and play the appropriate role that
helps them to relax and be more effective in what they do. During an
average day a manager/leader may drop into and out of a variety of
roles such as facilitator, counselor, motivator, mediator, even playing
the role of a parent in sensitive moments. It's not usually specified
in the job description but the enlightened manager will see the
community of relationships at work as an opportunity for this kind of
creativity. If such an awareness were to permeate our workplace
communities the underlying caring behind this kind of relational
creativity and flexibility would likely generate a lighter, happier,
more playful atmosphere. What dampens that creativity is the idea that
we go to work just to do a job and then we identify with the job or the
position. And what so often kills that creativity is the notion that
by definition business is a serious business. It's no wonder that
after a day of being serious about business because business is a
serious business we go home and find it hard to leave that seriousness
behind and lighten up!
Seeing
life as a series of role plays does not mean we lose our authenticity
or sincerity. In fact it is only when we see each scene as just a
scene that we realize we are only an actor in that scene and that we
can write and direct the role or character we need to play. To do that
consciously and genuinely requires the cultivation of an awareness that
a) this is just another scene b) no one scene is more important than
the other c) we are only an actor in the scene d) all scenes fade out
e) all roles fade out. The only constant is the self, the 'I' that
says 'I am'. The actor. But if we identify with what has to fade then
we will obviously generate the fear of our self fading too, hence the
feelings of anxiety, tension and insecurity, hence the seriousness.
Creating
and playing the most appropriate role in right way at the right time
means developing a variety of inner skills and levels of awareness.
Here are some.
Perspective
Can
you see life as a game and the game as an opportunity to play and the
playfulness as an invitation to be creative and to know that it is this
creativity that generates the deepest joy for any human being. These
are the secrets of a perspective on life that we somehow learn to hide
from ourselves.
Depth
Some
might say such a perspective seems superficial, uncaring and
de-valueing what seems to befall others. In fact the opposite
happens. Real playfulness in life, this kind of relational creativity
in life, can only come from a place of love. Love is after all the
creative energy. And when love (not Holywood love) comes into the
picture, then caring and compassion automatically come too.
Sensitivity
Life
is relationship and while we may have freed ourselves from neediness in
our relationships we need relationship itself, many relationships. It
is in the context of our relationships that we get to explore,
experiment and express our creativity. It is only when we are
sensitive to the presence of others but not identified with others or
suffering with others, that we can clearly discern the right role to
'play' in the moment of their need. This is why sensitivity and
empathy are almost impossible unless there is a certain detachment from
the relationship, from the scene in which we are playing and from the
role we are creating. If we are to play our roles well it is essential
not to forget 'it's just a role'.
Acceptance
You
cannot be playful with others unless there as an acceptance of the
other as they are at every moment. Otherwise judgment and criticism,
even just at the level of our thoughts, will kill our personal
creativity and our ability to play.
Creativity
Creativity
has little to do with painting and poetry but everything to do with
relaxing and relating well. You cannot be relationally creative when
you are not relaxed physically, mentally and spiritually. Creating a
relaxed state at each of these levels is the foundation for 'playing
life'. This is not achieved on the sofa or on a beach. This kind of
relaxation is only possible when we fully understands how we are fully
responsible for the unrelaxing of our self! Always.
Enthusiasm
The
core energy that lives within the heart of every human being is
enthusiasm. In its most potent day-to-day form is a 'constant
willingness' to explore and experiment with new ways of acting and
interacting. That means new ways of thinking which means new ways of
perceiving and believing. If we do not challenge our learned belief
systems and our habitual thinking patterns our creativity gets stuck.
We just play the 'same old records'. Boredom and stagnation set in.
Apathy is just around the corner. That's when it gets serious!
Intention
All
that we do has intention, and intention will always be based on love or
fear. Love seeks to serve the other whereas fear seeks to overcome or
avoid the other. Only the power of love gives us the power to see
(visualize), create and grow an appropriate role. Otherwise we are
likely to see the roles that others are playing as threats.
Timing
Ask
any actor and they will tell you that timing is vital to the
performance of a good play. It's one thing to know the role to play
but it's another to play it in the right way at the right time. Only
experience grows this ability.
When
we see the world as a stage we automatically start to learn a new
craft. Over time all great actors develop many 'stage skills'. We
often quietly admire the older and wiser actors amongst us on the stage
of life around us, when we see how 'crafty' they can be. We too have
this opportunity to learn the same craft. Each day we walk on to the
stage of life and play our part in the drama of life. Each day is both
a performance and a rehearsal. Each scene is a workshop and a canvas
upon which we can create and leave something beautiful or something not
so beautiful! And as we do, we receive a reflection of our creative
contribution in the mirror of our relationships. And as we do we will
know by how we feel whether we are 'playing life' or just surviving
life.
Question: In which relationships in your life do you tend to be the most serious? Why?
Reflection: Why do you tend to identify your self with the role/s you play?
Action:
Take a moment to write down all the roles you can play in your
relationships in an average day. Then, for each role identify the
skills required to play that role well.
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If you would like to respond to the above or clarify
any of the content contact mike@relax7.com
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Om Shanti (I am a being of peace)
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PeacePulse
An invitation to join us in taking a minute of silence each hour
on the hour - a transformational experience.
It's a great way to reduce stress, find peace, release creativity and to
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and one minute after. If you work on a
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minute'. Wishing you true peace.
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